Intervention | Allison & Me

It's Like I'm Walking On Sunshine!

Addiction, for the most part, is a serious thing. And, in general, it's not a topic I choose to mock and kick around in my spare time - but there does come a point when I can't help but feel rather unsympathetic. My wife makes it a point to watch the show Intervention on A&E when new episodes roll, and while I watch it with her, it usually ends in me yelling at the TV, brought to the very edge of sanity as these people spill out the same familiar tales of woe and suffering that resulted in their addiction of choice and turning the lives of their family and friends completely upside down. I'm not, and do not discount events like violence, sexual assualt, and other very traumatic situations and how they can effect someone in a very negative way - but there are a lot of times on the show where it seems that it all comes down to the deadly "Not Enough Hugs" syndrome. During the show's entire run, I think I've felt sorry for about three people. The rest, regardless of their tortured past, are such miserable bastards in the present that it's near impossible to understand how people can remain by their side - not to be cold. The medium of television helps to cloud the harsh realities of a family with some hope, but come on. How about Asa? That dude's a Grade A jackass.


But this week showcased the series' worst pile of shit to date - Allison. What really helped ease me into hating her right away was the early comments she made about not caring if she hurt or killed other while out on a "drug run". As it turns out, Allison drives around a lot while she's high, and has already caused accidents and who knows what damages and suffering to others while driving around town, Mr. Toad style. I'm not really sure what's more idiotic, that stupid look on her face or that she managed to get hooked on something as ridiculous as computer duster. Watching her suck on that can of air in every damn scene she was in got old quickly, and wide-eyed grins while she did it again and again and again gave me a deep and fond longing for Intervention's regular drunk mom chugging mouthwash or the junkie shooting up in a fast food restaurant's bathroom. There's something almost comical about Allison's "drug" of choice, that it somehow just doesn't hold the weight of cocaine or alcohol or the various eating issues the show usually highlights. Computer Duster, really? How impressionable are you? Of all the friends you knew in college, you somehow missed the ones hooked on meth and instead hung out with the dude who had nothing better to do but huff duster? Jesus Christ, it's a good thing no one introduced you to the concept of drinking White Out or the intense high you get from jumping off skyscrapers sans parachute. Somehow, while looking like a demented muppet forged from flesh (you half expect her to ask for a cookie as those eyes rattle around her bobbing head), she's coincidently just aware enough to know how to be both melodramatic and make damn sure that she's to be the center of attention at all times. Speaking of which, she's also a cutter - shocking. The scene in the graveyard is priceless in how cliche it is. As she walked into the cemetary, I told my wife "Here's the overly-dramatic scene where she romanticizes death". Sure enough, she spouts off about the peaceful nature of the cemetary and how she wants to be a part of it and die. You know, when I think about putting my loved ones to rest, the last thing I want or imagine is some moron stumbling around, laying on that loved one's grave, sucking on a can of compressed air, and spouting off Anne Rice-esque dialogue that comes off with all the gothic allure of Hot Topic to a TV camera. During the intervention itself, when she plugs her ears like a seven year old? I was shocked that no one was driven so insane that they punched her square in the face. Kudos on the self control, tormented family members. Naturally, her family is a wreck, and they've all but excepted what a pain in the ass their child/sister/friend has degenerated into. That's always the worst part - seeing these poor people (this family seemed genuinely nice) driven to the edge in the wake of Allison's duster-fueled rampage. I suppose it's slightly worse when she can manage to somehow dress like she's an extra from Garden State. A stylish, ecclectic junkie! To cap off how truly loathsome she is, in the end of the episode she seems much more concerned about her damn cats than any person in her life. Nice. I guess as long as she can "hang out" (that's computer-duster-huffer code for "totally being paid to have sex") with some old dude, that's good enough given her kitties are there when she gets home and she's rewarded with a new pair of completely innocent-yet-provocative panties from the not-creepy Sugar Daddy. And why is it girls with Daddy Issues want to be with older men all the time? I'm no psychologist, but isn't that somehow like wanting to have sex with your dad? Weird.


From the looks of things, Allison is coming along in her battle with the air bottle, and at the end of the show she actually seemed somewhat more...I don't know, less smackable? Naturally, she's still in contact with her older john man-friend, which is in no way a trap-door to fall back into her old habits. No way whatsoever. Good to see the learning curve has improved at least - hopefully she'll also limit her trips to CompUSA. Ugh.

And, for the record, I'm sure she's a perfectly good person now - as most of these Intervention folks are once the rehab takes hold and they focus on staying sober and getting things back on track, but the way they often come off on the show either through editing, their own altered behavior, or both is just damned frustrating... Frankly, she deserves a bit of the ol' kicking around - if only for her to see what a total asshole she was while on the...duster.