Monday's Report | The Return

The Tradition Returns!

Oh, how I missed you, Monday's Report... A weekly trend that always brought me so much joy around the otherwise dank and empty corridors of the Bannendrome. I'm glad to have you back, old friend. Of course, today's not Monday, it's Wednesday - but Monday was Memorial Day and I was busy firing up the grill for some of my famous burgers and slaving away while putting together patio furniture that was most certainly engineered in Hell. I still have that glow of new home-ownership, and finally putting a nice set of table and chairs on a patio that was wasted last summer does nothing but make me absolutely thrilled. All I need to do now is throw a fire pit in the back yard and I'm golden. I could have also put together a Monday's Report on Tuesday, but frankly I was busy playing inFAMOUS all day - which, by the way, is possibly the greatest reason to own a PS3 since Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. Expect me to throw up a Reviewish on the topic later this week. Simply put, it still may not be the one magical system-seller Sony has been searching for (Pro-Tip For Sony: God of War III), but it's easily one of the most enjoyable open-world-type games I've played, and while there's no popular hero license in sight, it might be one of the very best superhero games on the market...ever. Oh yeah, that's hyperbole all over your face, bitches. Now all I need to do is see if Prototype can live up to this level of quality. Let's just say I have my doubts.

In terms of movies, I think I've turned some kind of corner as a consumer and as someone who once took great pride in my ability to "shut my brain off" during a movie so long as I was rewarded with things exploding in new and exciting ways. Now, I'm not saying I've become a snob by any means - Star Trek was sweet. But other big name "blockbusters" that have come up so far in the last months or so I've had almost no desire to see, and for me it's weird to think thoughts like "I'll catch Terminator: Salvation on DVD" or "That Wolverine movie is garbage" - and yet here I am, having not seen Wolverine and in no real hurry to see the Future War unfold in front of my eyes. Let me tangent here a bit and say that if McG really would like to earn some sort of respect as a director, a nice place to start would be moving past the age of really dumb nicknames. McG is fond of thinking his moniker is a self-imposed scarlet letter to rise above - but reality is that it's goofy shit that audiences are swiftly starting to turn away from. Not that his name is by any means the complete reason a new Terminator film was bested by a Ben Stiller family flick opening weekend, but I doubt it helped in any regard. To think that not even Christian Bale, fresh off of the monsterous pop culture juggernaut that was The Dark Knight, could help make it that smashing success that Warner Bros. was hoping to build two more films upon... Tell me that Michael Bay, Stephen Sommers or maybe even Brett Ratner directed T4 and it stands a far better chance of getting a firm hold of my $9.00 - I take that back, Brett Ratner sucks. But let's all watch and see the crazy money that Transformers 2 effortlessly earns... All in all, the reviews for T4 aren't great and I have to wonder if this franchise is really and truly dead, if not just put on the shelf for six years until a complete reboot is considered. Modern Hollywood, you've got to love it.

The Ghostbusters video game is finally just three weeks away and I'm doing just about everything I can to distract myself. To think that it was almost a year ago that I completely lost my mind when Activision dropped the game... Oh, the memories! Reviews are slowly trickling in, and so far they at least seem positive - 8's and 9's out of 10 aren't bad by any means - though between you and me, even if the game came with a sticker on the front that read "This Game Is Shit", I'd still happily buy it... And with the game's hype mixing lovingly with the 25th anniversary of the original movie's release this summer (damn I feel so old), it has brought up a flurry of discussion over the long-talked-about Ghostbusters 3 movie actually becoming something resembling reality. Dan Aykroyd has certainly said some crazy, crazy things - including discussion of troops of "boys and girls" learning the ropes and mastering equipment that allows them to travel interdimensionally - it makes me so happy that Harold Ramis is around to shake his head "No" and bring Dan down to something resembling reality. Do you have any idea how screwed up Ghostbusters would have been had Ramis not been brought in to take the whole concept from Aykroyd and boil it down to what we know today? Kiss just about every thing you hold dear about the movie goodbye... The firehouse, the Ecto-1, the Proton Pack, Venkman, etc - all gone. I must admit that the idea of a GB3 is something I've dreamed of since I walked out of the theater in 1989, fresh off the high from my third viewing of Ghostbusters II - but it's been two decades and I was much easier to please then. Can Ghostbusters 3 manage to learn lessons that GB2 taught, namely that the movie should be less about gimmicks like rivers of neon-colored slime and more about the inter-personal relationships and banter? We'll have to see, I guess, though I've long since held the rule that I will not even begin to get my hopes up about a third movie until I see an actual trailor in the theaters. Until then, it's all evil internet-fueled lies and I'll have no part of them...

Reviewish | PUNCH-OUT!!

Chocolate Bars Are Your Friend!

Welcome to Reviewish, where I kinda-sorta "review" games I haven't actually completed yet. See, I play games at my own pace - which is a nice way to say I play them very slowly. But after I play what I deem to be enough of any one game to get the proper feel of what it is and has to offer, I'm ready to put my not-entirely informed stamp on it. Enjoy!

Oh, and feel free to play this clip while reading my reviewish of Punch-Out!!, I think it adds a little something to the experience...



I can only assume that for dedicated game developers, bringing back classic and charished games can be an incredibly difficult task. If you stick too close to the original (which in the case of games like Punch-Out!! can include gameplay that over the course of a couple decades got more than a little stale) you end up with a cheap rehash, but if you try to innovate too much you end up ruining the nostalgic feel you meant to capture in the first place and that fans will be expecting. What a bitch... Last year's Bionic Commando: Rearmed was a step in the right direction, although outside of some seriously awesome remixed music tracks, it was simply the classic NES game with a new and impressive coat of paint. Punch-Out!! on the Wii first seems like the same formula at work - after all, it has the familiar music and sound effects and the roster of fighters is almost 100% comprised of fighters you may have fought when you were a kid. Facing foes like Glass Joe and King Hippo are certainly no brainers, but when you realize that every fighter is one you've seen in Punch-Out!! lore before, you may start to think that this game is simply a new coat of paint too, but shockingly that's not the case. It's nice that the game has you once again battling all the foes from your past, and aside from one two new fighters (one in particular I certainly had no idea I'd see popping up here, and he is AWESOME), the roster shapes up nicely. I also like how the game manages to touch on the concept of ethnicity but never tread so deep into stereotype territory as to truly be insulting. Yeah, Piston Honda (oops, I mean Hondo - I'll assume lawsuits were involved somewhere along the line) has sushi circle his head when Mac dazes him, but outside of that sort of example and him speaking Japanese, the rest of his personna seems more interested in cultural influence than out-right mockery.

Visually, Punch-Out!!'s biggest strength is that it's cel-shaded look allows the fighters to really express their surprisingly deep personalities and quirks that go far beyond the ways they telegraph their various moves. For example: Glass Joe, the world's worst gaming opponent, is no longer simply just a lifeless punching bag you get to train on - he's also funny as hell to watch, and while he speaks his native French (sadly, Punch-Out!! offers no subtitles for the foriegn languages many of the fighters speak, which is slightly annoying), the animation is so colorful and spot-on that you know he's waaaaay too over-confident - perhaps this unfortunate and comical attitude is the result of a brain tumor that formed from all the people that have leveled him out with a TKO over the years. But this level of expressive body language and physical comedy is present throughout the game, and it's really quite enjoyable to watch. It really brings a level of depth to the game that the old pixels couldn't even quite convey - though they sure did an excellent job... On the audio side, Punch-Out!!'s sound relies a lot on the original NES and borrows and remixes many of the memoriable sounds and cues that old time fans might recognize, the music too is lifted from the classic and reborn through all sorts of new genres, many of which fit the cultural tones of the fighters Little Mac will face.

In terms of gameplay, Punch-Out!! manages to take the control concept of the original and tighten it to today's standards. Punch-Out!! has always been more of a reflex-based puzzle game than an actual fighting game, and this version holds on to that proud tradition by making sure you succeed or fail on your own merits. This is one of those rare games where if you lose, it's because you were at fault - not the game. The game follows a simple structure at first, with Little Mac going through three classes of fighters before winning the championship belt. Amusing as it is, pros may find that to be not much of a challenge, but the trick is that once Mac wins the belt, you open up the Title Defense mode. Here you'll face all your foes again - only now they've been working on their game and they're ready to take you on with a whole bag on new tricks. Glass Joe, forever the loser, shows up in a facemask, taking away the liability of the jaw that earned him his dubious moniker. How you deal with the loss of an enemy's once-reliable weakness is key to holding on to your belt. And aside from some costume changes, these second versions of all your enemies also have new suites of moves and their timing has changed. In short, they become a hell of a lot more of a challenge, which is certainly welcome to die-hard fans. It's not all about getting the belt though, as Punch-Out!! has an exhibition mode that is sort of like it's own version of Achievements. You're presented with all sorts of challenges for each fighter, and successfully meeting those challenges earns you all sorts of rewards from music to play to bios and such. All in all, it's a great way to extend the game's replayability and make sure you get your $50 worth, which is not a problem here...

The game does have some faults, but their so silly and probably limited only to me as to not even be worth noting - but I will. For one, why the hell isn't Mario the ref? Don't get me wrong, Ref from Super Punch-Out!! does a fine job, but it would have added one more little touch of old school class if Mario had been able to once again don the striped shirt. Also, I'm sure it would be a licensing nightmare and maybe a PR one as well, but why not just toss Mike Tyson in the game as a hidden character, you know - just for fun. I'd love to see him rendered in this art style, dumb face tattoo and all. Oh well. On a more realistic note, however, the multiplayer mode feels tacted on big-time. You're limited to playing offline and only Mac VS. Mac, and I find that really lame. Why not allow Soda Popinski to face off against Bald Bull? So much work went into the fighters (which are really the stars here) it seems a shame to waste them in what could have been a more solid 2-player experience. Heck, with this roster you could have even set up a bracket sytem, which would be fun as hell at parties. I suppose that will have to wait for another edition of the game - and if the delay between Super Punch-Out!! and the Wii reboot are any indication, could be quite some time.

Simply put, Punch-Out!! is one of the best titles you're going to find on the shovelware wasteland that is the Wii. It stands comfortably alongside games like Super Mario Galaxy and Super Smash Bros. Brawl and deserves to be part of any Wii owner's library, especially if you still have fond memories of getting your ass handed to you by a pixelated Mike Tyson...