Monday's Report | Reality Intrudes

Wednesday Is The New Monday...

When you're a kid or young adult, you like to think you've got it made, but it's not until you're an actual adult that you often get to see the perks of age and years of focused independence. Being able to drive my car to the home I own at the end of a long workday is about as great as any reward I've ever experienced, especially since the wife and I have worked together for a decade to claw ourselves up to where we are now from a horrible little one-bedroom apartment all those years ago... And as a married man sans children, I have been afforded certain flexibility over the years in how I get to spend bits of our disposable income - mostly in gaming stuff, since I love it. We do our best not to live outside our means, and up until this point things have been going alright. But the other side of the "Great to be an adult" coin is when reality punches you square in the gut. Such as a couple days ago when we discovered my wife's job (which is state funded) is going to be going bye-bye come September 1st when that funding is cut from the budget due to the fact that Michigan is drowning in red ink. Normally, there would at least be the small comfort in knowing that there is two and a half months (ish) available for her to look for new employment. Trouble is, we live in Southeast Michigan - if you haven't heard the news, things are somewhat dire here in terms of employment and job oppertunities of any sort, including the medical field my wife currently works in and loves. I'll also stop being coy and simply say that we have been kicking around the idea of finally having a child after five years of trying, a task that (as it turns out) hasn't been as simple as so many others have lead us to believe. We had spent plenty of time getting our hopes up about that when the job thing hit and now we're staring down the barrel of what the hell we're going to do, both in terms of being a fully represented "family" and how to balance that with something even slightly resembling financial stability. The wife's not pregnant at the moment, but at this point the idea of having to put that on hold again would lead us both down a familiar path paved with disappointment and good ol' fashion Depression Pizza - my #1 food item of choice when the floor drops out from under me. But while I am determined to raise an adorable minion to do my bidding, I'm also concerned about whether or not it's right to bring a new life into a situation that isn't as economically secure as I'd like it to be. My mom, talking about the matter, said the truest (truthiest?) phrase my grandma ever spoke to her was "If you wait until you're ready to have a child, you never will" - and while that's probably correct because my grandma was awesome, I can't help but give in to the more paranoid and defensive part of my nature and indeed wait - I am, after all, already plagued with a feeling of deep dread all around. Nightmares of losing the house aren't out of the question, at least in my overactive imagination. I'm wondering if we should wait at least until we're sure my wife can land on her feet and we're not counting on unemployment for her and *sigh* perhaps getting a second part-time job for me... Ideas are being discussed, plans of action that do take advantage of unemployment and various state aid for things while she finishes school (she's currently attending - almost done) and help take care of the as-yet-to-be kid, but I cannot escape the small voice in the back of my head who is taking the time to both whisper sweet terror in my ear and tell me how irresponsible I'd be...

Heavy discussion for the Bannendrome's usual fare, I know, but sometimes you've just got to scream and get at least some of it out. Consider this that scream.